Obviously, since we’re home based in Salt Lake City, the closer to home the easier the process, but with travel and expenses we can ship the whole event to your venue. The Vaudeville revival is real, and our artists and weirdos are able to travel to put on an amazing show for your events.
There once was a man. This man was worried about children. Children with bad mommies and daddies. This man was a scientist, a biochemist. But all day as he worked, he worried, There were children out there with bad mommies and daddies. If only his science could do something to help them.
“Stop daydreaming,” said Dr. Onus. “Get back to work. That tardigrade DNA isn’t going to sequence itself.”
Can you say, “tardigrade”?
But the man couldn’t stop worrying. If he could stop even one child from being hurt, he would do just about anything. Because he knew what bad mommies and daddies were like. He knew very well.
One day, when Dr. Onus wasn’t watching, the man took some of his work home with him. You see, he had an idea. The tardigrade was a very small creature, but it was very strong. Almost nothing could hurt a tardigrade. Not fire, not ice, not even radiation.
Can you say, “radiation”?
Dr. Onus never knew, but the man was very smart. Very, very smart. And he used what he learned about the tardigrade to create something. Something brand new. Something that could help children. Help keep them safe. Safe from everything, even bad mommies and daddies.
The next day he stayed home. He called Dr. Onus on the phone and said he was sick, but he wasn’t sick. He was inspired. He had created a serum. A potion, really. Something that would give children a little tardigrade DNA.
Can you say, “inspired”?
He never went back to work. Instead, he took all the money he had and bought an ice cream van. He filled it with all the best ice creams. And he filled all the ice creams with his new serum. He would use his science to protect children from bad mommies and daddies.
He knew it would work, because he had tested it. He had found a child, a child with a bad mommy and daddy, and taken him home to his lab in the basement, and given the child ice cream. The child had grown strong and maybe a little gray. The child was very, very safe from bad mommies and daddies. And even though the child bit the man, he didn’t shout, or hit the child. And when the experiment was over and he used the ether, he chuckled to himself about how he would be saving so many children from so many mommies and daddies.
Can you say, “ether”?
On the first day with the new van, the man sold twenty ice creams. He tried to give them away at first, but suspicious mommies and daddies wouldn’t let their children have free ice creams. So he sold them for a nickel, and sold them and sold them, and the little children ate the ice creams.
If a mommy or daddy ate the ice cream, they became very sick. The ice cream was only for children. To keep them safe. And if they bit their mommies and daddies, well, that was okay, wasn’t it? Because after all, they were bad mommies and bad daddies. Every single one of them. They had it coming.
Can you say, “karma”?
And so the man – the Ice Cream Man – traveled in his special van selling his special ice creams, all over town. He laughed and jumped in pride over how much good he did. Proud, yes, like no one was ever proud of him. He was saving so many children, and so many bad mommies and daddies were getting what they deserved.
Some of the children were so smart, so special, they made games, once they turned gray and their teeth grew sharp. Mommy Piñata was a good game. They used sticks for that game, but other games used balls. Or knives. Or ropes.
Can you say, “piñata”?
The Ice Cream Man was very happy. Very, very happy. And he even visited the street where Dr. Onus lived, and made sure to sell some special ice cream to his daughter, a little girl named Alice. She was a very smart girl, and invented some very smart games with the neighborhood children. She even used some of Dr. Onus’s special doctor tools, and made pretty pictures with what came out of mommy and daddy.
And they were safe. They were all safe. And the van rolled on and on, and the speaker tinkled “Turkey in the Straw” and “Für Elise” and the children laughed and laughed and laughed. And the Ice Cream Man decided that maybe children in other towns should be safe, too.
Can you say, “spree”?
I needed a reference letter for a grant application that I wound up not using. Derek wrote me such a nice one I thought I’d share it:
To whom it may concern:
It is my pleasure to be writing to you on behalf of Scott (Scix) Maddix. I cannot even begin to express how much I would recommend this incredible human being for anything and everything! For almost a decade, they have been influencing my life in a great myriad of positive ways.
To begin, their reliability and steadfast work-ethic are something to behold and be admired. From moment one, on any project, Scix moves forward with nothing but passion and commitment. They have a wonderful knack for adapting to high-stress and high-octane situations, and have an exceptional ability to maintain concise communication and operational skills.
I first got the privilege of getting to know Scix at Fear Factory Haunted House in Salt Lake City, Utah. Initially, we worked alongside one another as performers in the show, and from the get-go, they demonstrated their problem-solving, and coaching skills. As the years went on, and we worked as fellow leadership, Scix became the director of our various training programs we have at Fear Factory, with astounding success. Fear Factory has quickly grown into one of the top haunted-attractions and seasonal productions in the entire world, and I strongly believe that Scix was essential in that progressive growth. Several individuals, including myself, have greatly benefited from Scix’s instruction and mentorship.
They also greatly excel in the field of show and event production, with the additional skills to handle the business logistics of both. On many occasions, I have personally witnessed them pulling off triumphant productions and events that have had a lasting impact on several neglected corners of the theatrical community.
I am passionately compelling you to strongly consider Scix for any project, and in any capacity. Thank you!
Long-Time Colleague of Scott “Scix” Maddix
Starting March 15th, SGS will be teaching SOS Improv at Alliance Theater, along with local improv talent Nathan Sears and Karren Shamo. This is a six-week course every Tuesday evening at 6:30 in the Boardroom at the theater. We specialize in those improv skills that commute to other realms of life! Some of these skills have value even outside of making strangers laugh! $10 per class or $50 for the full six-week course.
March 20 brings on the return of Gonzo Rising! A two-month rescheduling has changed the lineup a bit, but taken out none of the joyful weirdness! Get your tickets for the livestream or join the live studio audience here. This year’s theme is “Resurgat!” We’re rising again. Acts include The “Great” Demonio, Eros Des Flammes, Bunny, Lamar Kellywood and some surprise guests!
April 1-2 brings us to UVAC: Utah Variety Arts Conference! Join local performers, pros and business people as we help Utah’s performing artists — and those not yet taking that first step — develop their skills, get gigs, and get paid. This is a three-day conference. Tickets are $40 per day, or $90 for the full series. In addition to panels and workshops, the event will offer lunch and will culminate in a big allsorts show just for us! Artists-for-artists!
First UVAC presenter bio:
Dr. Louay Chebib, Vice President SCORE Mentors Utah
Louay Chebib is an IT and entrepreneurial jack of all trades. He currently works for himself as a technology consultant and teaches business and information technology for the University of Phoenix. He is a SCORE small-business mentor and vice president of the Utah SCORE chapter as well as the host/organizer for the Python Utah North Meetup.
“The role of good technology is to blend it into the background so people can accomplish their task rather than be distracted by the tool. Through volunteerism, I am able serve my community and make a difference. By helping others, I can make a small difference. When we cooperate and share, we help to make everyone’s life a little better,” he said.
SCORE (https://www.score.org/) is the Service Corps of Retired Executives, a volunteer organization to mentor folks starting up small businesses, with everything from filing and legal and tax advice to managing grants and fundraising to simply checking in an seeing how things are going.
Louay has been Scix‘s business mentor for years now, and is familiar with the needs of performing artists in Salt Lake City trying to make it pro.
Louay will be part of the Make it a Business panels on Friday and Saturday, along with local performers and non-profits.
Due to the surge, every January event has been rescheduled. I was heartbroken enough I had a hard time making an update here and on my Linktree.
More full update coming soon. In the meantime, did you know I had some novels?
Chunnel Surfer II (There is no “I”) – I don’t know, I don’t understand anything. I mean, I watch, I read, I listen — but what do I know? Sometimes I think I have an idea, like there’s some meaning or something, but then it’s gone before there’s any resolution.
I sometimes slip inside, you know? Like it’s my story. I am sure, even. But then, well, it changes again. I think this is really me now, but is it? How would I know?
Maybe one of the others is the real me: the man who kills, the boy who hunts, the detective, the surgeon, the amnesiac, the victim. I shudder to think that some of those lives might really be my own. Their reality scares me, even as I wake from it into another. And another. Sometimes there’s a theme, I think, a reason for this one to come after that one, but even that passes, and I am in a reality, and for a time, it is mine.
Eastern White Pine – A group of local teens seek answers to the mystery of their friend’s brutal murder, and the trail leads into a house whose interior leads to strange, confusing rooms.
Both books are also available form Amazon, B&N, and can be requested from your local bookstore or library. And hey, drop me a line and you might be able to order one from me directly.